The Healing Power of Mindful Breathing in Grief: Simple Techniques to Calm Emotional Storms

You wake up, sweating, breathing fast and labored. You pray this is just a dream, but it’s not. Reality smacks you across the face and you realize the worst thing that could ever happen to you actually happened, they passed away. How many of you have felt this? For me, more than I’d like to admit. 

I can’t say it will get easier, but I can say it will become less frequent as time goes by. Grief is a natural and profound emotional response to loss. It can impact a person emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually, leaving you feeling drained, confused and alone. Grief doesn’t follow a set timeline or path, often coming in waves and evolving overtime. Grief is not something to be “fixed”, instead it’s a process of learning to carry the weight of the loss, finding moments of peace, and, eventually, discovering ways to rebuild life around the grief. 

I feel pulled to talk about grief because as someone who has walked her own grief journey, and a registered nurse spending countless hours working in the covid units in downtown Los Angeles hospitals, I am now a Hospice Nurse, helping patients and families cope with the loss of their loved ones. So many patients and families have said to me “what do I do now”, and that is a question I have spent years of my life contemplating and researching, so I can help as many people as I can. In my blog posts I mainly focus on simple techniques and tools that are aimed to help people navigate through their grief. I will not ever tell you get over your grief or expecting you to let it go. My main goal is to help you walk through your journey feeling less alone, and more supported. I want to help guide you through the hard parts, and show you a path to healing.

As I’ve touched on in my recent blog posts, grief has 5 main stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In future posts I will go into each stage in depth, but for the purpose of this post I want to help you understand the other facets of grief and show you an actionable step to work through your grief . Grief often brings a range of powerful emotions , including sadness, anger, guilt, fear and confusion. These emotions can feel overwhelming and may change from time to time. One day you may feel a deep sense of sorrow, and then the next you may you may feel moments of relief or acceptance. Grief also has a significant impact on the body, and can manifest as fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, or even a weekend immune system. These physical symptoms can effect sleep, create a loss of appetite, or even actual physical pain. The body often reflects the weight of this emotional burden, making a mindful practice like breathing essential to alleviate tension and restore balance. 

Your mental clarity is also affected and can impact your cognitive function. This can lead to forgetfulness, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. People has reported feeling “in a fog” and are having difficulty focusing in their day-to-day tasks. This mental strain can eventually lead to feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness. Even your relationships can be affected by grief, due to isolation from others. We tend to withdrawal from social interactions and avoid the people we usually see, so we can attempt to process out emotions. This can lead to friction in relationships if people grieve differently or have different expectations of support. 

By understanding these facets of grief, people can see how grief affects all areas of their lives. This is where mindful breathing becomes a valuable tool, as it helps calm the nervous system, offers a sense of control over the overwhelming feelings, and brings awareness to the present moment. Integrating mindful breathing into your grief journey can offer relief and grounding, helping in healing and balance. 

Mindful breathing involves focused attention on the breath in a non-judgmental way. It helps you become aware of your breathing patterns, focusing directly on breathing in and out, helping your mind to be in the present moment. Mindful breathing reduces stress and anxiety, activating the body’s relaxation response (parasympathetic nervous system), and in turn lowers cortisol levels (your stress hormone), and reduces feelings of tension and anxiety. 

This practice of focusing on the breath also promotes emotional regulation by helping you gain control over your overwhelming emotions. Mindful breathing creates a pause between the emotional reaction and the automatic response allowing you to process the feelings more calmly. You become grounded in the present moment, which is key because grief often pulls people into the past focusing on memoires of their loved one, or thoughts of the future and how the loss will effect the future. It is important to focus on the present moment to help provide a break from the mental loop and allows you to feel a sense of stillness. 

Mindful breathing also improves physical well-being. As mentioned above, grief can lead to physical symptoms (fatigue, heachaches), and the practice of mindful breathing can help alleviate those symptoms. Slow, deep breaths oxygenate the body, allowing the muscles to relax giving you a sense of physical ease. Another benefit of focusing on mindful breathing is the increase in awareness and acceptance. You become more aware of your grief without judgment of how you are handling the situation. You gain more acceptance to sit with your pain without ignoring or resisting it, which is a very important part of your healing journey. 

By taking the time to practice mindful breathing, you create space for gentle healing, promoting a calm, supportive approach to your well-being. 

The American Physiology Society states “Researchers saw a rapid reduction in both blood pressure and sympathetic activity in patients who practiced device-guided slow breathing”. They go on to explain that in their study they saw a huge reduction in how people reacted to the sympathetic nervous system, their fight-or-flight response. By utilizing mindful breathing they were able to calm their nerves and react in a healthier manner. The Harvard Business Review studied why breathing is so effective in reducing stress and they found that mindful breathing was not only immediately effective, but also helps with long-term stress reduction. 

Here’s how you do it:

Box Breathing (my favorite):

• Slowly inhale through your nose for 4 seconds

• Hold for 4 seconds

• Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds (I like to try and exhale for 8 seconds) - Use pursed lips while you exhale (like you are blowing a kiss)

• Hold for 4 seconds 

• Repeat this atleast 3 times. I promise, you will feel an immediate release of your stress and anxiety. 

Deep Belly Breathing:

• Position one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach just above the belly button

• Inhale through your nose for about 4 seconds filling your belly with air and expanding

• Exhale through your mouth for about 6 seconds

• Repeat atleast 3 times

There are many other ways to breathe mindfully, although both of these ways have helped me tremendously. The most important part is to be consistent with mindful breathing. I suggest setting aside specific times a day and even creating reminders in your phone. Do this even if you are not in a stressful situation. By taking a moment out of our busy schedule to focus on our breathing, we end up focusing on ourselves. We help our bodies recharge and allow our brains to settle. This can be done for only a few minutes each time, and eventually you will build up to an amount of time that works best for you. I do this just about anywhere, although I love to go into my room alone, dim the lights, light a candle and breathe. There’s no judgment here. If I can only focus for a minute then I’m happy.   

Can you do me a favor? Try out one of these mindful breathing techniques and comment on this post and tell me how it helped or made you feel. You can always ask me any questions, and I will do my best to help guide you to healing. Find me on here or my socials, and I will get back to you. 

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Grief can feel overwhelming, but you are loved, and healing is possible. Take one breathe at a time, allowing yourself the space to feel and heal. I am with you, holding space for your heart, and know that this too shall pass. Brighter days will come, and peace will find its way back to you. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You are stronger than you know.